Subject: Excerpts from Dog/Cat Diaries


 EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!

10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!

11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

Noon Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!

1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!

4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!

5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty mums! My favorite!

6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!

8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

 


 EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:


Day 183 of My Captivity:  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.

. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

 I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.  The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

 (author unknown)